"Lindsay if you didn't have bad luck...."

"Then you wouldn't have any luck at all."...My mother said this quote to me every February 13th for as long as I can remember.

Tomorrow is my birthday. February 13th. What I think is the prettiest sounding day in the whole year. Where the "f's" and the "th's" sound great together to sound out my perfect pretty day! Kinda....sorta...fine not really!!

I have had some of the worst birthdays on record. Seriously, awful birthdays. In fact my birthdays were so awful that I did not celebrate my 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, or 20th birthdays. I let them come and go, having a special dinner with my family but nothing else. I was so tired of having bad birthdays that I just stopped having birthdays at all.

To prove my point, let me share my record of bad birthdays:

7th- Had a seizure at my birthday party. That's right, a seizure!! At my own birthday party!! Ended up in the hospital for a few days for tests.

8th-All invites went out and no one showed. My parents were left explaining why...

9th- Got pulled down the hallway by my hair by my sister and made to do the dishwasher.

10th/11th-Actually really good. Might be my best birthday...Roller City, skating and cake. This birthday was SOOO good I can't even remember which birthday it was!!!

12th-Slumber party. Most popular girl in my class wanted to ruin my birthday, through a valentines day party the same day and invited everyone but me. 2 of my best friends came to my house. I didn't care until Monday when I heard how cool the party was and that I was the only one with no invite.

13th- Invited 25 people. 4 came. Found out later that because my 13th birthday landed on Friday the 13th everyone thought I was bad luck and no one came.

14th-Got canceled 3 times. Once cause my mom got sick, next cause I was sick, then again because State Swimming was that weekend. The next time we could have it was in April and two months later seemed ridiculous for a party. The girls I invited all took back my presents since I was too "lame" to throw a party.

15th- My parents decided to take hold of my birthday by throwing me a surprise party. They invited 75 people including my entire youth group and swim team. They rented out the community house expecting huge numbers. 14 came. I got my quarter map this birthday though, THAT was really awesome.

16-20 - Birthday IGNORED!!

21st- Really Freakin' Awesome. Totally Awesome. I had the best time Since Roller City.

My last few haven't been good either. 22nd, I had a party that was a bust. 23rd, I had a dinner that many couldn't (in some cases wouldn't) attend, even though I drove to Laramie to make it easier on all of them. And now this year I am trying the whole party thing again, and again I am getting nervous. With all these years of bad birthdays I have to believe that my mother thinks that I am a complete goon with no friends.

Which is wierd, cause if there is anyone who is fun to party with, it's me!! And if there is anyone who knows how to throw a good party, again, ME!!! I rule at both those things. Then why do I have such a hard time getting friends over to my house for those days to happen? I don't know. But it is starting to snow, I have very few RSVPS and all the recipes cooking for another, bomb loser birthday.

So here is the question of the day, how do you not put your self-worth in your birthday; when you love so many different people and they overlook your one day?! I don't know how to prevent myself from doing that. Especially when I see other people able to get their people together. But I just can't seem to get everyone together for my events. After A while, don't you think it would have to do with me?

I don't know, what I do know is that I am tired from workouts. And I pray tomorrow turns out different. 24, I don't think I am going to wear it well.....