I am SOOOO over it.....

Lindsay: You know when I am tired of making cookies?
Rick: When?
Lindsay: My cookies start to get thicker.
Rick: You're thicker.

Awe, husbands! You have to appreciate the silly stupid things they say. I also have to explain that my husband will use this joke set up all the time.

You: I think it's burned.
Rick: You're burned.
You: I don't know, she just seemed melancholy.
Rick: You're melancholy.

All the time. In fact, many of Rick's good friends know that they can barely get through a conversation with him without using this joke format. So when he used it last night regarding my weight and my cookies, not even thinking about what he was saying. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Silly husbands!

But it still doesn't change a simple fact. Like the fact that I don't shop in clothing stores anymore, or that I dread being seen in public by old high school classmates. The fact that I hate mirrors, and getting into the shower. I am SOOO freakin' over being fat.

I am so over it. I am over it like people are over the stock market, or their bosses, or cancer. Everyone is over cancer. And I am so over being fat that it is starting to make me physically ill. And I am getting the same comments that I always do. "Oh, Lindsay you can barely notice." "I think you are beautiful no matter what." Blah, Blah, Blah. Though I thank all of you for your love, support, and sweetness; it does not change the fact that I notice everyday, and I don't feel beautiful, and that I feel like a prisoner in my own body.

I'm over all of it. I am over spanx, size 18s, plus size sections, tummy flattening jeans, tummy flattening swimsuits, awkward conversations, skinny sisters, stretch marks, not being able to wear horizontal lines, praying for a thyroid problem, I am over all of it!!!

Being fat sucks!

Today is a new day. There is no food in the world that taste good enough to feel this crappy about yourself. I am going to break free of this. If it's the last thing I do!!

Rant is over.