Nebraska, You Can Suck it!

Yeah Nebraska, you read that right! You Can Suck it!!

"The good life." Are you freaking kidding me?! Who do you think you are, Nebraska? Confused yourself with Colorado?! You are the land of awfulness and tears.

Let's talk about all the empty barns and houses, Nebraska. What happened? Did you suck out their souls, chasing them away? That's right, people are leaving house and home to get away from you! In fact, there are SO many empty houses that you have to build a grain silo to let us know that there actually is humanity there. In the 1800's the government finally had to give chunks of you away. That's right Nebraska!! Uncle Sam was begging people to live with you! And it is clear from the miles of abandoned buildings that you killed their hopes and dreams.

And everywhere you look there are corn husks in the barbwire. What's up, Nebraska? Can't even clean up after yourselves? We know it's your name. You have it on EVERY billboard in the State. And you have a billboard every 6 miles of you 435 mile gurth. What are you trying to prove, Nebraska? Trying to show off how well you husk? You wanna make sure I know who's the number one husker when I am pulling them outta the grill of my car?!? Well guess what, I am not impressed. Just disgusted. All I see is a hot sluty husking mess. Where are your morals!

And everything is RED. Everything. Every truck, license plate, billboard, building, bar, EVERYTHING. What's wrong, Nebraska? Are you afraid that we will forget where we are?! We couldn't forget if we FREAKIN' tried! How do I know, CAUSE I FREAKIN' TRIED!! I would imagine a place of puppies, and lollipops`; then I would open my eyes and remember that I was still IN FREAKIN' NEBRASKA!! I tried with all my might. Yet everytime I remembered a tiny piece of my soul floated away.

In the Bible, the Greeks came up with the word hell, but only because the Greeks didn't have a word for "Nebraska"!

The pioneers looked forward to getting to Independance Rock, and then decided to travel 800 more miles to get away from you, Nebraska!

No wonder they hide the President there, it's the safest place he could be. Because NO ONE willing to go to NEBRASKA to get him!!

So thanks, Nebraska! Those are 18 hours I will never get back. May I recommend you change the sign. There is obviously a misunderstanding when it comes to what is considered "A Good Life!"

I'm going to the gym....